Joke, joke, joke!!

I was hilariously laughing with these jokes..its a blessing becoz it helped me to start my day with a good laugh. So I thought of sharing it. Here it goes..

DO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS ?

1. Use BE COOL and I'LL BUY in a sentence.
...The tourist went to Mayon volcano in I'LL BUY, BE COOL.
2. Use SCHOOLING in a sentence.
...(phone rings).....Hello? Who SCHOOLING?
3. Use AFFECT in a sentence.
...Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring.
4. Use ADIEU in a sentence.
...If you are ADIEU, the Arabs will kill you.
5. Use DECANTER in a sentence.
...You can order that medicine over DECANTER.
6. Use DELETION in a sentence.
...The balat of DELETION is crispy.
7. Use DESPISE in a sentence.
...Who baked all DESPISE?
8. Use DIFFERENT and DIFFERENTIAL in a sentence.
...I am looking for DIFFERENT of this boy to get DIFFERENTIAL
consent so he can go to the picnic.

AND NOW FOR THE FILIPINOS WHO CAN READ AND
UNDERSTAND TAGALOG:

9. Use BORROW in a sentence.
...Ang dumi naman ng BORROW mo.
10. Use CAESAREAN in a sentence.
...Lintek, anak, mag-ingat ka, CAESAREAN mo iyang laruan mo.
11. Use CONTEMPLATE in a sentence.
...Pare, ang dami-daming pagkain, pero, ko-CONTEMPLATE.
12. Use ARTESIA in a sentence (if you don't know what this is, it's a
city [or street] at the L.A. COUNTY in CALIFORNIA)
...Nako naman, ang ganda-ganda nang bebot na yun, pero,
ma-ARTESIA.
13. Use CADET in a sentence.
...CADET ko si Maria nung isang gabi. Ngayon, ikaw naman ang
CADET niya.
14. Use CARDIAC in a sentence.
...Na CARDIAC yung kotse ni Pedro noong isang gabi.
15. Use CENTURION in a sentence.
...Na-CENTURION si Pedro ng tatay niya dahil sa kalokohan niya.
16. Use DEDICATE in a sentence.
...Pag ginamitan ng glue, siguradong DEDICATE iyan.
17. Use DELICACY in a sentence.
...Bagal mo... DELICACY mahuhuli na tayo.
18. Use DEPRECIATE in a sentence.
...Sister, DEPRECIATE already, kaya pwede na tayong kumain.
19. Use DIFFUSION in a sentence.
...Brownout...siguradong DIFFUSION pumutok.
20. Use LAITY in a sentence.
...Taga "laity" si Imelda Marcos.
21. Use MENTION in a sentence.
...Ang laki ng bahay nila, parang MENTION.
22. Use ebonic word MOTHA' FUCKA' in a sentece.
...Iho mag-ingat, ka baka MOTHA' FUCKA'

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:

23. Use SECOND THOUGHT in a sentence.
...Hindi pa bumibili ng bagong kotse ang mag-asawang si Pedro
at Maria dahil magse-SECOND THOUGHT pa daw sila.

TEACHER

There was this Filipino kindergarten teacher and she was teaching
her class how to do the hokey-pokey. She started off by saying,
"You put your right feet in, you put your right feet out, you put
your right feet in...." Suddenly one of the children said, "Teacher
you have to say 'foot.'" So the teacher said, "You 'foot' your right
feet in, you 'foot' your right feet out....."

WITH AN 'R'

First day ng klase.
Siyempre, magpapakilala muna si titser.
mukhang strikto, terror ala Miss Tapia.
Sinulat niya ang pangalan niya sa blackboard.
'Miss Pruke.'
Pigil ang hagikgik ng mga estudyante.
baka mapagalitan sila.
"My name is Miss Pruke. Don't forget.
With an R, with an R, with an R." stress ni
titser. "Bukas bago magsimula ang klase,
kapag meron akong tinawag, dapat alam niyong
banggitin ang pangalan ko ng tama."
Paglabas ng mga estudyante ng klassroom,
Inulit-ulit nila sa kanilang isip, "with an R,
with an R, with an R."
Kinabukasan, preparado ang lahat sa pagtawag
ng titser maliban kay Juan. Wala namang
ginagawa si Juan sa klase kundi mag-daydream.
kaya siya ang napansin ng titser. "Juan!"
Sigaw ni titser. gulat na tumayo si Juan.
"Yes ma'am?"
"Ano ang pangalan ko?"
Namamawis sa kaba si Juan. nakalimutan niya
ang pangalan ng titser.
Sabay sabay ang buong klase sa pagbigay sa
kanya ng clue. "With an R, with an R, with an R"
"Ah!" biglang naisip ni Juan, "Natatandaan ko na
ang pangalan niyo."
"Ano?" tanong ni titser.
"Miss Prekprek."

More to come!!