Reclaiming My Old Blog Acccount..

Yipee! At last I now have my own blog after a lllllooooooonnnngggg time of planning and thinking over how to do it, when to do it or how long it will take to do it! I actually have this previous account but I wasn't able to update or use it because I felt like it will just eat up my time. Good thing I was able to reclaim this old blog of mine and well..its not as hard and slow as I thought it would be. But anyway, I have it now and it's actually included in my "To Do' list so this is actually an accomplishment for me! hehe..

I have and I always keep a journal of my own eversince I discovered that I also have the capacity to write( I dreamed of writing a book when I was young but I always got low grades in my theme writing compositions so I decided to be a theater or TV performer instead, an announcer, a reporter, a doctor, a teacher, a restaurant owner and don't be shocked, a nun..hehe). It all started from that embarassing moment in High School and I have no one to talk to. There was this ice breaker game I joined in but unfortunately or perhaps fortunately, I became a laughingstock of the whole class. (It's not that easy to make people laugh that hard anyway.) I even felt my blood pumped up in my face as if my head would just be blown off. Oh boy..how I wished I''d just dissapear or the floor Im standing in would just open up and eat me.

Oh well, I've talked with my friends, whom I expected to give me comfort, but they in turn laughed at me, right in front of my face! So instead, I got a piece of unused notebook and started writing down what I really felt. Right after, there was a surge of relief. And as I read what I wrote, I also started to laugh..well yes I admit..it will really make your tummy ache. What was that embarassing moment? I'll share it someday..hehe..I actually have a collection of several embarassing moments and that included falling in a man hole.hehe..

From then on after that moment of release, I make use of writing to pour out my thoughts and feelings. It started with mere writing of what happened, of what I felt until it became deeper and deeper. My journal became my constant buddy,my bestfriend. I can write whatever I am, whatever I like, whatever I feel ,or whatever crossed my mind without the fear of being judged criticized or ostracized. There is a distinct surge of freedom as I jot down what's in my mind, in my heart and in my soul. I haven't opened up to anyone, barenaked ( and that includes physical nakedness..hehe), the way I did in my journals.

Recently however, I can't seem to write down in my journal as constantly as I did before. There are random thoughts that I wanna jot down but busy ( o busy busyhan..hehe..) as I am,those thoughts just slip out of my consciousness.

And the moment I wanna express it in written words, oh I can't seem to find it. . But the moment I grasp it and express it in written words, most of the time I become amazed of what I was able to wrote down. At times Im not even aware that those thoughts are in my mind. Perhaps that's what they say: the product is greater than its maker. I guess anyone or someone have been through the same experience. That sort of thing when you just write down what's in your mind and the moment you read it, "woah, I never thought I have these ideas in mind or that I'm capable expressing these ideas in words!'

 Anyway, this blog is another medium for me to grasp, take hold of these thoughts, and feelings as well, and let it take its form in words. It is said that the feelings we have, which we may not give much attention or we may even try to deny or ignore , are actually signals of our hearts or of a deeper need that must be satisfied. It's like, you're happy, everything's going fine but out of nowhere, you felt a surge of sadness, as if you just wanna stay in one corner and cry! That could be a sign of an emptiness deep inside you that must be filled up with something or someone eventhough you may think you have all the things that you need.

As for me, those emotions or thoughts must be given a chance to express itself, even in simple words, or else it might find its way out in other forms. Most of the time, pent up emotions manifest itself in the form of illnesses, violent reactions, uncontrolled behavior, addiction and various psychological problems.

And these emotions and thoughts are for me, and for you, the so called Inner Whispers: the voices that we usually hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world, the modern world that can give us a barrage of messages, that can drown it out and we'll hear nothing..nothing of it.